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The unmentionable has happened!!!! April 11, 2007

Posted by scartissuemark in My Life, My Self, The Life and Times of Me Myself and I.


On the evening of Febuary 13th (mums birthday) i received a call from harefield asking if i’d like to come in for a tansplant. After a few hours of wainting to see if the two lungs were viable for transplantation, it was on.

And so it happened, the first two weeks post-op were the most frightening, mystifying and spiritual experiences of my life thanks to the hallucinations i had…

As i was in and out of consciousness parts of the real world intruded on my visions. The most memorable visions were of the room and its fixtures which would stay the same but the view through the window and the colours of the walls would change from dream to dream. It was like a game that needed solving, each vision would have a goal in order for me to pass onto the next vision and i was under the belief that if i solved the mystery i would ascend to a next level and meet god. i interpreted the male nurse in the room as Jesus, i asked him his name and (in my psychosis) he wrote it on a wet paper towl and folded it and tore it and placed it on the window  so that if i removed it it would break apart, because i’m not meant to know it was him.

One vision was of me eating crisps and gulping down coca-cola, as i did so i would struggle to breath and the nurse would squeeze this tube that look like intestines and i would breath easier again, this was like a lesson to eat more healthily.

Another vision i guess i had when i was fighting off one of the masks was that a ball shaped object was placed over my head and i was struggling to breath and then my head got turned inside out and i was in a big meadow breathing the freshest of air.

Another was that the writing “Get well soon uncle mark” on a card my nephew made became more round and legible as i fought to become stronger, as i fought and the writing becamee longer and longer and was lke an setence, then a paragraph, it was like a visual representation of myself living longer, i also saw my sister being informed of my death as the nurse stood beside me and told me i have to keep breathing for them. My most memorable was my nephew Riley attending my  funeral dressed in black, only he was grown-up.

After the hallucinations passed i was on all kinds of breathings machines; Ventilatior, Bi-Pap, C-Pap, i could eat or drin. My mouth was so dry my skin waas peeling off my lips, i was obssessed with wanting to have some juice, all i could have was an inch or so in a cup and have a sponge of it and then spit it out because i couldn’t swallow.

Slowly but surrely i got better, it took three of us to get me out of the bed and onto my feet for physio. i had lost pretty all of my muscle in my legs as i was laid up in bed in the ITU for about 4 weeks. eventually ai started stumbling about, the chest drain tubes came out one by one and i was taken to the ward for the remainder of my recovery.

Up on E-Ward i was weened off of the machines and moving about more to build my strength up. It was so hard at points and i had a few breakdown and cry moments when the pressure and loneliness and despiar would set in, when i felt that i couldn’t progress any further…



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